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printer friendlyClutter: Moving from Fear to Hope
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Clients call me when their own attempts at getting organized have failed. What are their biggest fears? That theirs is the worst clutter problem I've ever seen. That there is little I can do to help, and that it will take years to dig them out, if it can ever be done at all. They can't imagine where to start, and can see no light at the end of the tunnel.
Fear of one kind or another is the basis of our cluttering. Subconscious emotions have a lot to do with why we keep things, acquire things, and have trouble dropping bad habits. Specifically, fear and worry are strong and very common invisible motivators! Let's use an example of someone who is holding on to years of magazines and newspapers, and look at some potential fears.
Fear of missing out on important information that you will never see again. Information and advice in popular magazines are readily available on the Internet. And truth be told, how many articles have you already read in your lifetime that have really impacted your life? How many ideas that you have read in magazine and newspaper articles have you actually tried out?
Fear of missing out on fun experiences. For example, are you keeping magazines related to hobbies you wish to start or restart someday? Or travel you wish to do, designs you wish to create, or recipes you would like to make? You're probably so busy with your current hobbies, leisure activities, and work you enjoy (in or out of the house) that you won't really miss those experiences as much as you think you will.
Fear of not improving your lifestyle. Are the articles you are keeping related to health, diet, exercise, psychology, or self-help? In that case, the articles will be useless to you until you actually get around to applying them. Either tear out the most pertinent articles and put them in a well-marked box in your storage room until you are ready to put them into practice, or toss them, remembering that the Internet is loaded with advice on all self-help topics.
Fear of tossing items you paid money for. (Magazines aren't cheap!) Well, you can't go back in time and unbuy them. Just cut your losses and move on. Otherwise, you are compounding on the error of buying junk by keeping junk. (Here, I'm assuming that you don't get around to reading the magazines, and that they're just taking up space--or, that you've already read them, and are afraid to toss them, even though you never use or reread them.)
Some other fears I've heard expressed around clutter and disorganization are:
- I'm hopeless—I'll never change; will be a packrat forever.
- My mess must be worse than anyone else's.
- As soon as I get rid of something, I'll need it.
- I should be able to clean this up myself.
- I want to be able to invite friends over, but don't remember how to entertain.
- I don't have the financial resources to hire help long enough to finish.
- If I clear all my clutter and organize, it'll just come back.
- I'm defective and can't change.
- I don't have enough energy to change.
- I may be fired from my job if I don't change.
A very effective way to overcome fear is to challenge it. Recently I was invited to be a keynote speaker, something I had never done before and had great fear about. I said yes, and not only survived but enjoyed the experience and got positive feedback.
Consider approaching your clutter in small pieces. By chunking it down or releasing one thing at a time, you are able to recognize that your world has not crashed and burned. For instance, at first you may swear that you could never part with your doorknob collection, and at some other time may wonder what you ever saw in it. Consider finding a clutter buddy. This would be a friend or family member who can help you make those decisions if the process seems overwhelming. I have found that when there is a witness many people are more able to make effective choices and stay on track. I have a friend who teamed up with a fellow packrat. Each promised to sort one box each week before bed on Saturday night or it had to go to recycling. It worked! Support is critical!
When you are starting to feel as if the idea of losing the clutter in your life is overwhelming, remind yourself "I gave two boxes of magazines to the library, I can do this!" Releasing the things that no longer serve you creates space for new ideas, approaches, attitudes, information, solutions, relationships, and careers, all of which can be blocked when we hold on to the old. Often we are afraid that when we let go of something we will need it in the future. This happens to everyone. By letting go of things that aren't serving you, you've freed up the space, time, and energy to recreate yourself. The new you is a person who is everything you want to be and has an environment that embraces your goals and dreams.
As your clutter diminishes and you have new and powerful experiences to draw from, fear is replaced with hope. Take those risks, move that stuff, align your inner and outer selves, and stay connected with your clutter buddy. How about 5 minutes today on your clutter? If the old fears show up, say "Thank you for stopping by, but I'm busy right now." Notice how good it feels to experience hope every time you recycle or give away what you're not using. You're on your way!
Karen Roehl's company is called Clear Living. As a Clutter Coach & Professional Organizer, she motivates and supports individuals and businesses, including those with a history of chronic disorganization and ADHD, to declutter, organize, simplify, and make peace with their environment. She is also a coach to new organizers. You can call her at (425) 814-9621, e-mail her at kroehl@comcast.net, visit her at www.cluttercoach.org.
